🕯️ WHO ARE THEY?
The Brunchsters of the Kremlin Mirage
In the great marble foyer of post-Soviet oligarchy, we are greeted not by shadows
We are greeted by columns.
Usmanov. Rotenberg. Deripaska. Sechin. Miller. Roldugin.
Massive, immobile, unsurprising. They are not hiding — they are architectural.
Pillars of the regime's grotesque interior. Their task is not deception. Their role is grandeur. They are Putin's rubber bosses. His wallets. His vaults in tailored suits.
They hold the gates to the theater.
They sponsor the red drapes and polish the brass railings.
Yet the true performance does not happen there.
Because Putin is not a man. He is a fund.
A sarcophagus in waiting, designed not for burial, but for preservation.
The wealth he has looted is not a personal fortune. It is a hereditary war trust.
Its future heirs are not simply his daughters.
They are curated mythologies: Kabayeva's innocent smile. Simonyan's deliberate confusion.
Every "friend" is a placeholder.
Every asset has one objective: continuity of the throne without a crown.
And the throne? It has legs now.
It walks among us. It jogs in sneakers. It posts TikToks from the Dubai Marina.
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☕ Enter the Brunchsters
The Brunchsters are not elite.
They are designed to fit in — in an algorithmically aspirational way.
They are "entrepreneurs." "Brand founders." "Crypto educators."
They sip matcha lattes. They dress in soft pastels. They attend sound baths.
They smile with restraint. They pose with ambiguity.
But they are the very circulatory system of Putin's post-sanction empire.
They are the ones laundering the money.
Not through private banks or Swiss vaults anymore. That's yesterday's model.
Today, Kremlin wealth moves through influencer packages.
Through e-commerce dropshipping firms that never deliver.
Through shell skincare brands with no products.
Through casual YouTube channels with forced English and fake analytics.
They live in Dubai's sun-soaked towers.
They dance in Mykonos on shoulder seasons.
They "mentor" in Bali. They "consult" in Phuket.
They don't flee the war.
They carry it with them in flash drives and family trusts.
🛸 Their Currency Is Not Rubles.
It Is Access.
Financial Networks
Their rent is paid through Gazprom-adjacent logistics arms, filtered via Yerevan, Almaty, and Belgrade.
Their beauty salons are funded by "startups" with offshore IP holders.
Their parents still sit quietly on the boards of RT, Sputnik, VTB Bank, or Transneft spinoffs.
Soft Colonization
They arrive with roses, not rifles.
They colonize brunches, not borders.
Yet their mission is equally territorial.
Market Distortion
They distort the norms of whatever country welcomes them:
  • Renting apartments at triple the market price with no vetting.
  • Flooding real estate markets with cash of obscure provenance.
  • Hiring local proxies to legitimize their facades.
  • Importing trafficked companions from poor Russian oblasts—often victims themselves, carrying untreated HIV, STDs, and a complete lack of legal protection.
  • Spiking nightlife economies with synthetic drugs, then laundering the revenue through "event production firms" and fake "sponsorships."
All of it designed to repurpose Kremlin capital into socially acceptable formats.
🔍 The Great Paradox: They Look "Chill"
They will insist they are neutral.
They say "We just want to live in peace."
They claim to have "left Russia" and "never liked politics."
And yet:
And when questioned, they scoff, pivot, or play the victim.
Never Denounce
They have never once denounced Putin.
No Support
They have never publicly supported Ukraine.
Kremlin Connections
They still follow and repost Kremlin affiliates on their carefully curated socials.
Sanctioned Money
They still receive wire transfers from sanctioned ecosystems.
They are not harmless. They are the metabolizers of imperial decay. They turn oil into ambiance. Violence into brunch. Theft into lifestyle.
⚖️ Who Must Be Sanctioned?
Not Potanin. Not the gilded dinosaurs of the 2000s.
No one cared about Potanin since the Blackberry Pearl was trendy.
The real targets are these performative avatars of neutrality
Those living large on invisible wires, funding the war by laundering it through ambiance.
⚖️ Who Must Be Sanctioned?
Old Model
Traditional oligarchs with obvious connections to the Kremlin
Transition
Wealth redistribution through family members and proxies
New Threat
The Brunchsters - young, stylish, seemingly apolitical money launderers
The Action Plan
Investigation
Investigated. Forensic financial tracing from landlord to crypto wallet.
Accountability
Questioned. Public stance declarations. Silence must equal complicity.
Consequences
Deprived of privileges. No access to property markets, visas, or social capital.
They must be held accountable for their role in perpetuating the regime's influence and laundering its wealth through seemingly innocent lifestyle businesses.
The Truth About Neutrality
If you are not publicly opposed to the regime,
And your money touches Gazprom, RT, or Kremlin affiliates,
Then you are not neutral.
You are a brunch-bound economic operative in a designer mask.
They don't march in parades.
They don't draft legislation.
They sip espresso under awnings, tweet about sunsets, and say nothing of mass graves.
Financial Complicity
Receiving funds from sanctioned entities
Silent Approval
Refusing to condemn the regime's actions
False Neutrality
Claiming political disinterest while benefiting from the system
Lifestyle Laundering
Converting war profits into socially acceptable wealth
Who Are They?
Distributors of Empire
They are the distributors of empire without uniforms.
Foot Soldiers
They are the foot soldiers of Putin's soft inheritance.
The Myth
They are the myth that war can look good in sunglasses.
Behind every innocent brunch post lies a network of financial connections that fuel a regime's war machine. The new face of oligarchy doesn't wear a suit - it wears designer streetwear and posts from rooftop infinity pools.